Profound Happiness

Epiphany

2011-12-24T04:54:00.002+08:00

Last night, an anon texted me saying that he/she misses me. I didn’t have load so I asked everyone I was close to online if they knew who owns that number. Unfortunately no one I didn’t. And I had no choice but to ask you. You, who I’ve known for texting a lot of girls. I remember how I’d muster up the courage to send you a message online or a text. I remember how I used to feel giddy when you reply even with just the simplest “yeah haha” or “ok haha.” I remember how I always ran up to my computer and add an entry to my "malandi" diary. I remember how I used to crush on you like a silly litter girl. I still am that little girl, however, I don’t feel that spark anymore. I don’t feel any butterflies when you reply or when you’re the first one who sends me a message via facebook. I’m happy that you bothered asking me about our homework, but that’s about it. I think I’ve come to accept the fact that you don’t like me, and the possibility of being together is nothing but a tiny little speck of hope. The 0.01% bacteria that alcohol can’t get rid of, the space made when I form a heart using my hands, the feeling I get when I’m done reading a book. You get the point. I’m just as confused as all the girls out there, but I’m trying to get over you even if there was no “us” in the first place.

Room clean-up!

2011-12-23T15:44:00.004+08:00

After almost a week of just playing around (ignoring thesis) and probably being the laziest kid ever, I've finally mustered the energy to clean my room. It's quite surprising how I always need at least 2 large garbage bags to throw a lot of papers and craft materials. =____= Anyway, here's are pictures of my room! (:

I haven't really fixed my clothes since I'll be packing for a trip to Tagaytay. I'm quite excited, actually. It'll be my first time to go there, and it's known to have a similar climate with that of Baguio's.

A picture of my ever growing expansion of books! (:

The one thing that I am most proud of after cleaning my room. :D I seriously organized all my stuff, decorated, and made an inspiration wall.

So that's pretty much it. I hope you enjoyed my ever so vain pictures of my room. haha Until then! (:

Dancing

2011-12-22T20:28:00.000+08:00

I'm actually determined to learn this two songs: Toxic (Britney Spears) and Sexy Chick (David Guetta). Hopefully, I'll be able to master at least one or half of Sexy Chick's dance steps before school starts. I want to lose weight for from. :P

Resolutions

2011-12-21T20:30:00.002+08:00

I want to start-over: delete all un-used accounts (which, believe me, would take me weeks), change my 5-year old password, get rid of all the things I used to consider "sentimental and important", and change the way I see things. I have four days left before Christmas and a week and a half before new year, and I've decided that I want to end things right. I've already made a couple of resolutions/goals I'm determined to cross out. Hopefully, I will be successful.

List of Things I Want to Accomplish Before 2012 Ends:

Always keep my room clean.

Be happy. This, my friends, is the most important thing in my list. Do I need to say more? No, I don't think so.

Be more responsible.

Be sincere.

Complete 10 video games. (0/10)

Create a comic book.

Create a mixtape.

Create a music video.

Create a short film.

Don't drink soda for a month.

Don't miss deadlines.

Enjoy and appreciate the little things.

Finish writing a story with at least 10 chapters. I actually used to love writing stories until I entered high school. I was afraid that if my friends would read it, they'll think that I'm too cheesy. So here's to trying to overcome my fear and appreciate the way of the words.

Get a haircut.

Get in goal weight range.

Graduate from high school.

Grow a bonsai tree. I used to pester my mom about buying me a bonsai tree. I love how the leaves are so small and all I have to do it trim it and wait until the white little flowers bloom. They're so lovely and cute, it reminds me of myself. haha

Have an eggling. This is a plant, people. Google it up if you don't know what it is.

Have an inspiration wall.

Have reasonable grades.

Keep a creativity journal and write/draw something every week for a year.

Learn a new language. Preferably Japanese or Korean. Not only is anime and Korean drama amazing, but the culture of South Korea and Japan fascinates me very much.

Learn dancing to at least 5 songs.

Learn how to drive. And get a car too, if it's not too much to ask.
Learn how to say no.

Learn to cook/bake 5 new things.

Learn to crochet.

Make a cover of a song I like.

Make new friends.

Procrastinate less.

Read at least one book a month.

Re-decorate my room.

Refrain from making excuses.

See a shooting star.

Sleep under the stars. I remember the first camping I attended. It was my school's annual Survival Camp and I've got to say that I've learned a lot. I got to experience sleeping in a crowded tent (because I donated my tent to upperclassmen, idk why ok), clean the dishes during my birthday (no one helped me), and see the wonderful evening sky that one can not experience in the city. It was lovely, and I want to see the stars shining brightly again. It makes me feel light and dizzy.

Stop spending time with the wrong people.

Take a photo of the same place every month for a year. (0/12)

Tell someone how I really feel about them.

Travel alone.

Use the stairs as much as possible.

Watch a musical.

Witness a meteor shower.

Write a letter to myself to open in 10 years. I thought that this would really help the future me to reassess myself. I'd be able to see how far I've gone and if all the sacrifices and decisions I'll be making are worth it. The future me will remember how much of a wreckless teenager I've been and she'll get to laugh at how stupid I probably am. Future me, be thankful. hah.

I have another year ahead of me, and I will make sure that my life will be wonderful. I will be adding more soon. I feel like my list is still missing a lot of things, or maybe that's just me (someone who's addicted to very long to-do lists and loves pressuring oneself). Anyway, see you. x

122011.

2011-12-20T09:02:00.000+08:00

It was a wonderful morning until my mom told me to go ride a cab, so I had to go running out of my house because I was already late for school. Everything was going on smoothly until I realized that the cab drove me to the wrong school. I somewhat screamed at the driver and so I got the ride for free and got to school safely.

When I entered the room, it turns out that the teacher hasn’t arrived yet. Everyone was talking and laughing with their friends. I saw my friend’s sister sitting near the door, and I found that she’s sick so she’s resting there. I wondered why in our classroom when she could have just went home, but I sat beside her anyway. I then realized that my crush was sitting beside me. Telling me something like we’re seatmates again, and he was actually making a decent conversation with me. I was really speechless that I just stared at him for a few minutes. When I regained my composure, I asked him, “aren’t you supposed to be with you girlfriend?” And he just smiled at me and said, “I don’t have one, but I’m talking with my future girlfriend.”

I woke up and turned on my computer, happily browsing through tumblr knowing that my crush doesn’t have a girlfriend. Until I realized that it was only a dream.

How sad.

Being in love is a very strange thing.

2011-12-04T19:43:00.001+08:00

Being in love is a very strange thing. Your thoughts constantly drift towards this other person, no matter what you're doing. You could be reaching for a glass in the cupboard or brushing your teeth or listening to someone tell a story, and your mind will just start drifting towards their face, their hair, the way they smell, wondering what they'll wear, and what they'll say the next time they see you. And on top of the constant dream state you're in, your stomach feels like it's connected to a bungee cord, and it bounces and bounces around for hours until it finally lodges itself next to your heart.

- The Power of Six by Pitacus Lore; Chapter 20 (page 241)

UPDATTEEEE!

2011-12-03T20:10:00.000+08:00

Hey, everyone!

It's been quite a while, and I finally had time to blog again. A lot has happened, actually. Take my birthday for an example. It didn't feel as special as how it was a year ago, or the year before that. I am finally 16, but it still feels like I'm a year younger.

I spent my most of my semestral break (October 24 - November 4) doing nothing but our school newspaper's (English) layout. I was supposed to be at home resting or having fun with my friends, but I was stuck at school rushing the layout. It came to the point where my mom was starting to get furious because I always went home late and I don't have much time for my academics. I, too, hate what I've done. It's as if I've wasted three weeks of my life doing nothing but that stupid layout. What's worse is the other school newspaper (Filipino), asked me to help them finish their layout because their layout artist was doing a very horrible job. She's a very close friend of mine, however, she was still lacking in skills. I suggested her what she should change with their layout, but she wasn't listening. It's as if she's too egotistical to even bother listening to suggestions that can help them win in the contest. When we got back to school, it took me three days to finalize the layout. I'm actually very proud of it, so are our adviser and the editor-in-chief. One day, the Filipino school newspaper's adviser was so worried about their layout that he asked me to go help them on the weekend. That weekend was the worst day of my high school senior life. My friend (the layout artist) was supposed to come and finish the layout, but she didn't. I was forced to remake all of her designs and finish the paper. My mom called me at 6 in the evening to scream at my ear and tell me that I'm being too much. That I'm being too kind and the teacher's starting to abuse me and my skills. I've thought about it, and I can say that what she said was true. But that fact alone took me a month before my mom and I started talking again.

I almost forgot to mention that I've been elected as our new beadle (president) in class. Seeing as I only have 5 months of being one, I'm trying to be the best that I can. I've been putting up decorations, maintaining the discipline and cleanliness of the class, and helping other officers do their job. My friends have told me I'm the first beadle to be so responsible. It's quite flattering, but I don't think my classmates like me that much. I'm probably being too bossy, so there's still room for improvement. (:

Our Christmas party is on Friday and I still need to buy gifts for three guys. I don't have money left, so I decided on buying them shirts that will be at least 150 Php - 200 Php. Life is so haaarrrddd. And on the Saturday, we'll be having a family reunion and I still need to make our family tree and buy a purple shirt. =___= So little time, so many things to do. I just hope that this year will end well.

Tumblr #2.

2011-09-01T11:48:00.000+08:00

It's not new, actually. I've had it since last summer and I didn't have any plans on sharing it to anyone. Not until I've gained a certain number of followers. But since I'm posting pretty much the same things here and there, I might as well as share it to you.

Everyday Cloud

It's not much. It's where I reblog and write cheesy stuff and whatnot. Follow me, won't you? (:

UPCAT.

2011-08-06T22:16:00.002+08:00

At around 5 in the morning, I woke up and stared at the ceiling, hoping that I'd miraculously find my permit and pass the exam. Passing the UPCAT is one of the best things a Filipino high school student can ever achieve. It's like entering a lottery and getting picked as the winner. A little FYI for foreigners who have no idea what I'm talking about: UPCAT stands of University of the Philippines College Admission Test and it is one of the hardest (if not the hardest) tests a student can take.

After a few minutes of failed attempts of calming myself down, I turned on my laptop and stared at the instructions for misplaced permits.

"If there are no more permits left, or if all else fails, don’t despair. As long as you submitted all your requirements, your name should show up on the school’s master list of applicants. Simply show up during your test day with your valid ID so that they can check their records for your name."
- UPCAT FAQ

I was desperately clinging unto this little string of hope that will let me take the exam. My examination fee would be put to waste if I didn't take it, right? And I'm pretty sure this is one of the hardest moments in my life where I had to really think about my decision. If I didn't take it, I'll probably regret it my whole life.

As soon as my dad and I arrived in UP Baguio, we asked where the Office of Admissions is and the usherettes lead the way. The woman on the desk was very accomodating. She noticed my puffy eyes and told me to relax because I'll be able to take the UPCAT. It was surprising, really. I did not expect the people in UP to be that approachable.

It was so obvious that today's not my day. Not only did I look hideous, but I also had an embarrasing moment in the examination hall. I thought that we were supposed to be one seat apart so I skipped a chair and the person behind me had no choice but to move on my supposed chair. The whole time I took the exam, I felt really guilty so when we were allowed to talk already, I told her that I'm so sorry that I took her chair and I really thought that we were supposed to be one seat apart. After my long speech of how sorry I was, SHE JUST LAUGHED AT ME. I would have smacked her right in the face if it weren't for the fact that we were still in the hall and I might be disqualified.

Five hours seems like eternity for most people, but for those taking the UPCAT? I don't think so. I had a hard time answering Science (Chemistry and Biology, jezuz) and Math (Geometry). I had no choice but to leave some items blank because I can't afford to lose 1/4 worth of points for every mistake I make. I was also very thankful Math didn't have questions in Filipino.

After the UPCAT, I met up with Cheska and Alisha and ate lunch in Chowking. I was starving (I didn't bring snacks during the exam, one of the many things I regret). My usual order of chicken and rice was not enough. I even bought empanada right after while waiting for Danielle to arrive. We bought a Nokia 1100 phone (we'll be using it for our IP) for 650 pesos and then decided to attend Edward's birthday party. We waited for a few minutes in front of his house and then hang out on a bridge not far from the house. Danielle, Alisha, Cheska and I were laughing out loud as if we were having our own party. The people passing by were staring at us, but we didn't care. We were bored out of our minds and our brains were completely drained out after the UPCAT.

Edward's birthday party was really awesome, okay? I love the fried mashed potatoes and spaghetti. <3

I'm pretty sure I'll still be complaining about the UPCAT until Monday. haha

Cheers. x

PS. I'm too lazy to proof-read this.

PPS. I'm reminding myself to make an UPCAT 101 hahahahaha because I'm awsm layk dat.

College Paranoia

2011-08-03T20:01:00.004+08:00

Am I the only high school senior who's not reviewing for UPCAT right now? Go to tumblr and browse the tag "upcat". Dozens of kids my age are complaining about how their schedule is so fucked up because they need to go to review centers every weekend just so they can pass the college entrance exams.

It's optional, I know, but almost everyone I know joined them and we rarely hang out anymore because they're too busy reviewing.

Am I the only one who plans on taking those college entrance exams with just stock knowledge?

UPCAT's this Saturday and we just had our exams for the first quarter this week. My brain is completely drained out and I need a rest. It would be really nice if our classes were cancelled so we can take a break and prepare for the coming tests and second quarter.

I've never felt so stupid and pressured.

PS. Start looking for the missing permit. hahhaha /facepalm

Keeping you updated.

2011-07-31T22:31:00.000+08:00

It's so ironic how I used to say that I hate high school and my classmates suck, but I'm now enjoying every single second of it. I keep on complaining about our projects, homework, and long quizzes that are due on the same day and that we need more time to rest and prepare, but I'm actually loving my high school senior life.

Unlike my previous years, I've learned to be more patient and organized. I discovered who my friends really are and my point of view has changed drastically. The world used to be so terrifying, but I now see this as an opportunity to knock over my fears and make a difference.

Despite my tight schedule, I make sure that there's enough time for me to take a break from all the stress. Although I'm not able to draw that much, I can still blog and read books (okay, maybe rant in twitter and stalk in facebook). That's still being productive, right? :))

Anyway, I'm so sorry for my bipolar posts. Especially the ones tagged with "love". hahaha Can this be love?

No?

Fine. Maybe it isn't, but you should know that this guy is driving me insane and I don't know what to do with my feelings anymore. He makes me feel so giddy and sad at the same time and I know I shouldn't let guys take over my mind, but I can't help it. Okay?

It's hard. How about you fall in love with a guy and try to get over him as soon as possible? HAH.

I have no idea how I'm going to tag this post. It's half about school and half about my non-existent love life.

Let's end this blog entry here. I need to review for my first quarter exams tomorrow (OHGODDAMNYOUPERSONWHODISCOVEREDPHYSICS).

I'm damned.

2011-07-27T22:00:00.001+08:00

There's this guy who knocks me off my feet as soon as he enters the room. Who gives me the butterflies when he calls out my name, and who makes me feel giddy when our hands come in contact. He's the first guy to make me feel this way and I have no idea what to do. (I suck at flirting)

No, this isn't love -- at least, I hope it isn't. It's too soon to tell. It's only been a month since I've gotten to know him better and I don't want to freak him out by suddenly declaring that I am deeply in love with him. That would be ridiculus.

I mean, come on, me? Someone who's known to laugh out loud a lot and have a bipolar personality would actually like a guy who's completely different from herself. It sounds like your typical Korean drama that has a happy ending, but I believe that this won't have such a nice closure. I'm not even Korean.

This is reality, people. Things don't go the way you want them to be.

... But there's still that little part in me that hopes he like me back.

TOO BAD HE DOESN'T.

First Vlog! :D

2011-07-07T18:52:00.001+08:00

You have to turn your speakers on maximum if you want to hear my voice. haha (:

My High School Bucket List.

2011-07-03T13:04:00.001+08:00

Since it's my last year in high school, I've decided to make a list of things I want to do before I graduate. You can do them too if you want. :)

Attend a bonfire
Attend the school's annual survival camp
Attend the school's annual immersion camp
Be on the honor roll for the first quarter
Be on the honor roll for the second quarter
Be on the honor roll for the third quarter
Be on the honor roll for the fourth quarter
Be part of the school newspaper
Be part of the yearbook committee
Buy a journal and write on it everyday for a month
Buy a planner for 2012
Complete a coloring book
Compliment someone
Cook a fancy dinner
Create my music playlist of the year (June 2011 - March 2012)
Dance with the guy I like on prom / banquet
Design the batch jacket and logo
Go to a movie theater alone
Graduate
Have a line of 9 on my report card
Have my "AMWNSBPMMM" slum book filled
Have my hair cut
Keep my room clean for a week
Learn a new piano piece
Learn Adobe After Effects
Make a comic book
Make a short movie
Master writing backwards
Master writing upside down
Never be absent
Save 3000 Php or more
Solve the rubik's cube
Start an online shop
Stay up all night
Talk to a stranger
Tell someone how I feel about them
Watch a whole season for one show
Watch for a shooting star
Watch the sun rise
Watch the sun set
Weigh less
Write a story
Finish a story
Give everyone I know in school a letter
Make a vlog

I think I'm in love.

2011-07-02T13:53:00.000+08:00

Dear R,

I like the way you smile when I look at you, the way you laugh at my jokes, and the way you make me swoon whenever you call out my name.

I like you. I honestly do, and it drives me crazy inside knowing that we don't have a chance. That you'll never like me, and I'll always be seating beside you hiding the fact that I think I might be in love with you.

We're completely different. You're popular and I'm just just anther face it the crowd. Cliche as it may seem, you're out of my league.

It's our last year in high school, and people keep on telling that I should stop hiding in the dark and take a leap of faith. But you know, I'm scared. I mean, look at you. You're popular, you're smart, you're nice... You're everything a girl can ever ask for. I know a lot of people who likes you, me included. You're too cool for me, and I don't think that I'll be able to handle rejection well.

I'm afraid of breaking the relationship I've formed with you. I don't want you to be awkward around me, nor do I want you to be too nice because you feel sorry for me. No, I want us to be equals.

While I've accepted that fact that you'll never see me as a girl who can make you feel happy, there's still that little part in me that hopes you'll like me back.

Someday, I hope you will.

Love,
Me.

Personality Test.

2011-06-18T21:42:00.000+08:00

I stumbled upon a certain blogger's website and I was really interested with the test. Here's my results:

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

It's pretty accurate. You should try it too. (:
Website: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Unlucky Day.

2011-06-06T18:12:00.001+08:00

It's such a shame that I woke up in good spirits. My last, first day of school as a high school student wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. We were already assigned to our respective sections and I've found out that I'm going to be stuck with some of the people I don't like for the whole school year. Just the thought of it depresses me.

I'd like to rant about it here, but we had a discussion about "Cyber Bullying" awhile ago and it's best if I lie low for a while. Good bye, trolling days. *sobs*

On the bright side, I'm in the same class with three of my closest friends in school. We get to suffer together. Hahaha. (: And I want to make the best out of this year.

Basically, I just spent the entire day feeling down and I couldn't wait to go home.

This year, I aim to leave a mark in school. I want most, if not all, of the traditions we had back. We'll earn the respect of the lowerclassmen without using fear. And since respect begets respect, I truly hope that my batchmates will realize that when they keep on dissing about how bad our batch is, they're just making it worse. I want us to be united as how it is supposed to be. I might even leave this school earlier if the opportunity comes and, even if it's just for a while, it will be really amazing when the next batches would see us as a role model. Just the mention of our batch name, they'd smile and say, "They were really unforgettable seniors. They've inspired us in so many ways."

Who would expect that I'd eat spoiled rice at home. Is this some sort of sign that I'd be miserable for the whole year? :(((( Goodness, NOOOOO.

The Proposal.

2011-06-04T22:05:00.001+08:00

A/N: On lazy Saturday mornings such as the one I had today, I imagine how things should be in my life. Here's one of the silly stories I've made.

PS. I must have read too much chick novels. Ugh. I'm becoming girly.

---

"Aren't we going home yet?" I yawned, "I'm tired."

"I was hoping that we can stay for a while, they're having this amazing fireworks display and I thought we should see it." He pulled me closer, kissing my forehead.

We found a perfect spot where we can watch the fireworks: on a hill surrounded by amazing flowers and some benches. We sat down on one of the benches and waited in silence.

"One minute left..." He looked at his watch. "30 seconds..."

"Ten... Nine.. Eight..."

Is he nervous?

"Four... Three... Two..."

"One." I murmured as the fireworks began. Letters were slowly forming as I sat there in awe, waiting to decipher the whole thing.

'Will you marry me?'

"Oh my god, look! Someone's proposing right now! That girl's really..." I stood up in excitement, and looked at him. He wasn't sitting anymore. "...lucky."

He was kneeling, opening a box with a ring inside.

"It's been 8 years. 8 amazing years of being together. During those years, I'd always wake up with a smile knowing that you're a part of my life. You, who laughs out loud even when I say corny jokes, who cries over the silliest things, and who loves someone not worth loving. I've always wondered why you picked me of all the guys who could have made you happier." He smiled, "All along, the answer was right in front of me. I can't see myself waking up in the morning kissing someone else. It's just not right if it wasn't you. I love you so much, and... Will you marry me?"

I thought crying when getting proposed to was cliche. Crying made me ugly and I don't want to look horrible when I'm experiencing one of the most important things in my life. As it turns out, it's quite hard when you're so happy and tears were probably the best way to express how you feel. I breathed in deeply, trying to push back the tears. "Stand up."

I stared longingly on his eyes. Fifteen years ago, I've thought that I'd grow up to be an old woman living alone in an apartment somewhere in the world. I've never thought that this day would come, but here it is with arms open wide. "I love you too," I kissed him. "There's no one else in this world I'd marry but you."

The Art of Getting By Trailer

2011-06-03T21:42:00.000+08:00

This movie's going to be my favorite, next to Flipped. I seriously can't wait for June 17th! :)
Remember Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Yeah, that "Charlie" is also the star in this movie.

High School.

2011-06-02T21:21:00.001+08:00

I can barely see what I'm typing write now. I really need to wear my glasses. Ugh. Also, this picture reminds me of that shirt which is now gone. I wonder where it is.

I'm going back to school next Monday and I'm excited. Contrary to popular belief, not all teenagers hate going to school. In fact, I'm one of those few people who likes going to school to actually learn 85% most of the time. A student needs to take a break once in a while, too.

This is going to be my last year in high school and I'm glad. I hate high school. There's so much drama that I can't handle to the point that I've researched ways on committing suicide on Google. No kidding. But despite all the shit I've been through, high school also made me realize that I have to keep moving forward and never stop pursuing my dreams. It is in high school where I started to stand out and give myself a chance to prove to other people that I am something. It is in high school where I found my love for drawing and that is something I can actually treasure for my whole life.

In conclusion, high school is like a roller coaster. I didn't ride one yet. It looks fun but once it starts moving, I'd be scared to death.

Being a teenager is awesome.

FIL.

2011-06-02T11:04:00.000+08:00

If there’s anything worse than getting grounded, it has to be falling in love. It’s just the same as committing suicide: you plunge into the fiery depths of this thing you call relationship, regret jumping in, and then meet your sad death. Well, you won’t die in falling in love, – unless, of course, you actually kill yourself or do something far more stupid – and unlike suicide, you get to see the aftermath. That’s when you start thinking that dying isn’t such a bad thing compared to having to deal with your newfound problems.

10 Random Facts.

2011-06-02T11:01:00.000+08:00

Here are the rules:
1. Each tagged person must post ten things about themselves.
2. You have to choose and tag ten people.
3. Go to their blogs and tell them you tagged them.
4. No tag backs.
5. Have fun.

Tagged by Eriele and Roela.

1.) I'm allergic to seafood.
2.) I am quite OC.
3.) I create stories on my mind before I go to sleep.
4.) I love ~~stealing~~ collecting pencils.
5.) Lying on the floor is like a massage for me.
6.) Sims 2 fan forever.
7.) I stalk random people on facebook when I'm bored.
8.) I have a love-hate relationship with school.
9.) My room is messy.
10.) I've only been to Starbucks twice.

Tagging: I'm too lazy to tag, so you (reader) should do this too if you're interested.

School Supplies Shopping.

2011-05-11T14:59:00.001+08:00

I couldn't access blogger for the past 2 days. Maybe it's because of the rain, but that's a stupid conclusion.

I was so excited to buy my school supplies that I bugged my mom last Sunday that I'll buy the next day. Luckily, she said yes. I already computed the list of things I wanted to buy and it summed up to 850 Php. I told her about it and she gave me 1500 Php. Pretty great, huh? (:

Anyway, I went to National Bookstore with my sister because she planned on buying a sketchpad for her son but they were out of stock so she had to leave me. Of course, I was happy because I can stay longer and take my time choosing whatever I wanted to get.

Some of the materials I bought were two times pricier than how I estimated them to be. :(( I was so shocked. I also bought a college reviewer for 350 Php.

In the middle of my search for amazing school supplies, my friends came up to me. I was kinda of surprised, but I felt happy because they're talking to me. They watched me look for my stuff and after sometime, they went to the movies. It's kinda sad because I just realized that they're texting and seeing each other without even inviting me. Am I that anti-social? OTL

After I payed, I went to check out the department store's mini stationary supply shop. Who'd have known that there were cheaper and cuter things there? :((( I was so sad I felt like going back to National Bookstore and returning all the things I bought.

Lesson learned. I'll check out other stores (particularly the department store) before actually buying things. I guess I'm just not cut out for shopping.

Favorite Song.

2011-05-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

Parachute's She is Love.

I'm scared.

2011-05-06T20:51:00.003+08:00

I only have one year left in high school and I used to be so excited knowing that I’ll go to college soon. I still am, but I’ve thought about some things and I’m starting to doubt if I can survive my last year of high school.

Then there’s that ASEAN Scholarship. I don’t want to keep my hope up and then get disappointed when I’m not notified on July. If the letter arrives, great. But if not, then at least I still have the local universities I can apply for although I’m afraid that I won’t pass the entrance exam in my dream university. I don’t know enough people who go to college that I can ask for advice and approaching a family member doesn’t seem to be an option. I’m the only child in my family who plans to go study in the capital city.

I need to believe in myself. Norman Vincent Peale said, “It’s always too early to quit.”

Summer 2011.

2011-05-02T11:01:00.002+08:00

I can already see myself writing a mandatory "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" essay for school and the thought of buying new materials for school makes me fired up. I don't want to go back to school just yet though. =u=

It's been a month since my summer started and who would have known that I'd get to experience a lot of drama. I officially have no "best friends" to hang out with in school (another reason why I don't look forward to school). I've been to my dad's province and it's so hot. I'd rather stay here in the highlands and I've decided that I won't join them to my mom's. lol

I'm not even following my supposed "summer schedule" (drawing everyday, exercise, learn a language, and catch up on anime and manga). People think I'm such a lazy ass and my mom keeps on insisting that I work in our shop. But you know what? I'm enjoying every second of it. It doesn't suck. Take that you socialites! /dies

- my latest journal entry @ deviantart (April 18, 2011)

Well, I'm happy to say that my social life has improved after that entry. Three of my friends are talking to me again (one of them, I hope still considers me as her best friend). Other than that, nothing else did. I just watched Korean dramas the whole first week of May and my vision is becoming more blurred. I'm too lazy to use my eyeglasses so it's my fault.

Monday.

2011-03-28T16:17:00.000+08:00

My friends and I were supposed to meet up in school at 10 am today but I got lazy so I went there are around 12:45 in the afternoon. They didn't mind though, since the teachers weren't in school and we can't have our clearances signed. We decided to just chill out for a while because they had nothing to do and I didn't want to go meet up with my mom, niece and nephew yet.

While we were at the aviary in the cathedral, we saw a dead dove and we were seriously urked by it. It's a good thing that some sort of care takers went there and took the dead bird. Poor dove. :( But during that whole thing, I also found out something and I didn't know how to react. I was pissed of by the fact that my so-called friends didn't tell me sooner -- after the Red Carpet, I stayed for a while repeating my good bye's but they just smiled at me -- and I was sorry for my other friend. After hearing that, I decided to meet my mom already because I was starting to get pissed again. My friends decided that they'll accompany me in going to the mall.

I saw my mom, nephew, and niece eating chocolate and cheetos. After they finished their food, we went to National Bookstore and bought some art materials to be used for our cup-designing activity and for my personal pleasures. hahaha

What we did with the cups. xD

This post-it notes are so adorable I just had to take a solo picture of it.

Last Day of School.

2011-03-26T22:53:00.000+08:00

Next Monday, I don't have to set my phone's alarm at 5:00 am just to wake up. I don't have to fix my hair all the time, knowing that my friends would laugh at me if I have messy hair. I can finally be lazy~

I got into a fight with my friends last Wednesday so I felt really miserable at school. I would go home really early and watch Jurassic Park with my nephew and nieces. We screamed a lot. hahaha My sister even took a picture of us looking like this: D8 and O:

From 8:30 am to 10:30 am, we had the senior's graduation and our recognition day. I received a certificate as a University Scholar and I watched the seniors walk up the stage and get their diplomas. The valedicatorian made a tear-jerking speech. I wanted to cry but my friends would probably think I'm a cry baby so I stopped myself. hahaha.

From 5:30 pm to 7:30 pm, we had the Red Carpet. I felt proud because my design for the lei was given to the seniors. It wasn't any of the one I posted here before though. Our principal asked to replace the birds with key and ring (refer to the second batch, right picture). I didn't like it but I had to force myself to make it. Now I know how it feels like, working for clients and stuff like that.

This is the cover of the program, they used the design for the lei/token.

I took my class shirt after that, it looks awesome. :) I was the one who designed it. haha. :D

Everyone ordered and they told me that they loved it. :D We look adorable, don't we? ;) This was taken after Red Carpet. I'll miss you guys. :)

Half-day. :D

2011-03-22T16:54:00.000+08:00

It's already the last week of school and we're only having practices for the seniors' graduation and the Red Carpet. My teacher in Val. Ed., who is also responsible for the Red Carpet, asked me to make a design for the button pins / tokens and the cover of the program guide. Of course, I gladly accepted it. :)

So far, these are the designs I made:

First Batch

2nd Batch

After an hour of deciding what I should send as final designs to my teacher, I gave the second batch. I prefer the one on the right, actually. It looks simple and elegant at the same time. :)

After we were dismissed, my friends ordered mini donuts and I was so amazed at the machine, I kept on laughing and pointing at it. The lady selling those delicious stuff probably thinks I'm crazy. hahaha. :D We also went to the Korean store beside it and checked if they had those fish-shaped popsicles but they didn't so I bought the coffee-flavored one. It's my first time eating a korean popsicle/ice cream. xD

I can't wait to taste the fish-shaped one. haha

Red Riding Hood.

2011-03-19T18:34:00.001+08:00

The other day, Jenny, a friend, asked me to go online in Facebook chat after our long wall-to-wall conversation about Kimi ni Todoke. It's an anime / manga about a girl named Sawako but because of her scary demeanor, her peers started to call her "Sadako". But that's not the point here. You can find out more by searching it in google. xD Our chat was what you'd probably call crazy and weird. See, this is what happened on our chat:

Chelsi: What's up?
Jenny: I'm so bored.
Chelsi: Me too~ xD
Jenny: hahahahahha
Chelsi: HaAHAHAHAHAHHA! XDD
Jenny: Kimi ni Todoke~ OMG ASDKAJDASK
Chelsi: IKR. ALKSDJALSKDJOWIQEU

Well, sort of.

After a few jokes and giggles shared online, we finally decided to meet up today and do something fun. I was hesitating at first because my laziness was kicking in but I remembered that this might be the last time I get to hang out with her so I decided to go.

We were supposed to meet up at 12 noon but I was fifteen to twenty minutes late, thanks to my laziness. Jenny, Nelcy (another friend we invited), and I went to eat lunch in KFC. I ordered the usual spicy chicken + spaghetti meal and it was delicious. xD

After that, we went to check the movies specifically Red Riding Hood. It's going to start at 2:50 pm so we still had two hours to go do whatever we wanted to do. I suggested that we check the book store (a magical place for nerds. lol jk). I was browsing through some mechanical pencils when I saw this amazing highlighter made of gel. Jenny and Nelcy were laughing at me because this highlighter existed since who knows when and I just found out about it now. I was so amazed that I decided to buy one. haha xD

Yes, we spent the entire two hours going around in the bookstore. hahaha

So... we took pictures of the tickets we bought. This was the only decent shot we got -- the back of the ticket -- because Jenny keeps on moving the ticket when I took a picture.

The movie was not entirely the same as the original story. I'd like to tell more about it but some of you might have not watched it yet so I'm leaving it up to you to know what happened in the movie. :P

And that's how my day went. I'm tired.

My plans for summer.

2011-03-18T14:37:00.002+08:00

I'm one week away from summer and I'm definitely psyched. I can already feel the hot summer breeze brushing through my skin. The sleepless nights and lazy days are about to begin! :D

Yesterday, I was just lying around on my bed while watching a show on TV. I've thought about my plans this summer for months so I decided to get up and make a list.

So far, I only wrote down 3 worthy things that I can do:

Sign-up for a language class.
Improve my drawing and digital painting skills.
Learn how to use Adobe After Effects.

I want to earn money too, but I have no idea what I can do to do so. >__>

Anyway, I'll be more active here from now on. :) See you guys soon!

Video Projects

2011-03-18T14:18:00.007+08:00

The following are the projects I directed and edited for the whole school year. (: Despite the sleepless nights and tiring days I spent, I enjoyed it. Thank you to my wonderful classmates who gladly participated in all the shootings. They're arranged from latest to oldest.

Filipino Project - Noli Me Tangere Trailer.

Entrepreneurship Project - Kokoleka Commercials.

PE Project - Toothpaste Commercials.

Scholarship.

2011-03-17T17:32:00.002+08:00

Last week, I was busy cramming -- coughprocrastinatingcough -- when my mom called. She told me to visit this site (http://moe.gov.sg/education/scholarships/asean) and read the details about the ASEAN scholarship. I was really happy when my mom told me about it to the point that I ran to my room and check the site as soon as I put down the phone. Since then, all I've ever thought about is that scholarship.

I started researching more about it and checking blogs of those who qualified. I also found out that some of my batchmates tried applying for it last year. I was confident at first, but now I'm starting to doubt if I can get it.

I get high grades but I'm not that active in school. I joined a few contests but I never won in most of them. I felt down. My friends know about it but they don't care. Then one day, my dad told me while he was driving me to school, "there's nothing wrong in not trying. If you get in, that's great. But if you didn't, it's okay. At least you tried your best."

Not what I was expecting, but I love how my dad knows what to say when I need someone to comfort me. :)

It's not like you're gonna read this or anything but...

2011-03-17T17:27:00.000+08:00

It’s funny. How I just sit here and start thinking about you, I mean. It’s not like we’re a couple or anything, because we’re not. We ended up being close friends but we went back to nothing. We acknowledged each other’s presence but we never gave ourselves the chance to have a decent conversation and perhaps fix the broken friendship we used to have. It’s impossible now — too late.

You’ve become that popular jerk I used to know. You never stopped dreaming about dating girls you can never have. You’re a total asshole, you never gave me a chance…

and I sound so desperate.

I'm a sucker.

2011-03-10T17:12:00.000+08:00

I have just realized how out of touch I actually am with everyone I’m acquainted with. I don’t know if it’s that I’m scared that they’d hate me, or I have this weird personality that I’m better than everyone and I’m better off alone.

I keep to myself most of the time that I’ve decided to label myself as someone boring — just another face in the crowd. I’ve been to parties and other social gatherings and in the end, I’d still wish I didn’t go. I’d rather stay at home and do something what I’d consider as awesome. At the end of the day, I have no one to talk to. The only time I receive texts is when people send their mandatory “good morning / evening + quote” group messages. My relationship with people never went to a close, personal, deep-rooted friendship. All my best friends didn’t even last for a year.

Now that I think about it, it’s probably my fault. I don’t really let myself be subject to friendship and here’s why:

I never make an effort to hang-out with people. I’d rather that they ask me themselves.
I rarely talk to someone first.
I have no idea what to say when someone says something witty or funny.

Basically, I think it’s a chore. Connecting to people, I mean.

I know a few people who I can call friends, but I never even had the chance to tell them my problems. No one really cares.

Dear Future Boyfriend...

2011-02-19T17:28:00.001+08:00

I’d like you to know that I’m still here and haven’t disappeared off of the face of the earth. Like most typical girls, I’m still here waiting for you. There’s a chance that I’d like the wrong guy during the process of waiting but I’m sure we’ll eventually meet.

You might have passed by me while I was waiting for a cab on the streets, sat on the chair next to me in class or you’re probably my best friend. There’s a lot of possibilities between us and you can be anyone.

Some people told me, everything has an answer in the internet. I tried to Google you but I was put in vain so I told myself: he’ll be here.

I’m very picky, but compared to other girls not that much. I don’t like it when I’m in a crowded room, I don’t like it when there’s no water, I don’t like stinky things, I don’t like it when there’s no food, and I don’t like it when there’s mud on my shoes but for you, I’m practicing to be that girl who’s fit for you.

I know that it’s hard to love someone like me, I know that because my whole life I tried loving myself but I also had a hard time. But you should know, I have a big heart and I love you for who you are.

I want you to still have your own life, chase your dreams and be successful. I love how we have different things to do and at the end of the day, we’d have a lot of things to talk about.

We can play video games on weekends, and watch a movie at home. We can bake cookies together and laugh because we accidentally burnt it. We can send each other notes no matter how cheesy they may sound like. You can teach me how to drive, play the guitar or even play basketball. We can have our little arguments and settle it through an arm wrestle.

We can do anything and we’ll love each other until destiny tells us to stop.

Love, Me.

I had the worst Christmas ever.

2010-12-27T20:06:00.004+08:00

I never got to eat the delicious ham my family bought, nor the spaghetti they cooked. In fact, I didn't eat the whole day of the 24th until Noche Buena (even now, actually, I rarely get a chance to eat). I was mad, insecure, and cursing the world for letting me be with people who doesn't give a damn about me.

23rd.
My parents left me and my brother alone at home and I was the only doing chores. I was pissed because my brother is such a jerk to the point that when they asked me to cook rice, I didn't. He even blamed me for not cooking rice when my mom asked him if we cooked something. I was so annoyed I didn't eat dinner and locked myself up in my room.

24th.
I was still in a sour mood. My mom started to make 'lambing' and told me to get dressed so we can shop for pants. However, when we reached SM she asked me to pick my pants. I was reluctant in coming so I told her to pick anything (but before that, she asked our companion, my sister-in-law, to go get anything she wants so my mom will buy it. I took it as an opportunity to tell her I wanted a DS). She came to the point that she got mad at me and told me to go home, which I did. I locked myself in my room and decided to play Trickster Online to turn my frustration into something productive.

25th 12:00 am.
My dad knocked on my door and asked me to open it. I pretended to have a sleepy face because I was still playing that time. He then told me to go downstairs and we'll eat. I went down for the prayer and went back to my room and slept.

25th.
My family forced me to get changed because we'll go see places around Baguio. We first ate lunch at my cousin's house. After that, we went to the top floor in SM. My dad dragged me to a toy store and asked what color I wanted, pointing at the DS displayed. I told him that I don't want it anymore but they still forced me to choose one so I picked light blue. I was reluctant because I know my mom told my dad about what happened the other day. I didn't open the box until we arrived at home even though I was really itching to open it as soon as they gave me the bag.

26th.
I was in good terms with my family.

Today.
My mom was mad at me because I didn't cook rice and the next thing I knew, she was going on about me forcing them to buy a freaking DS and then getting all lazy just because I have a stupid DS and so on and so forth. WTF. Forcing them?! If I haven't mentioned it yet, I did NOT forced them. I even told them I don't want a DS anymore. They were the ones who bought one for me! I can't help but go on with the thought of returning this DS back into it's box and throw it at her face. Decided not to eat anything.

My Christmas Wishlist

2010-11-29T08:25:00.003+08:00

Because really, Santa, I need all of them in order to survive. >w< loljk

Contests.

2010-11-15T20:33:00.004+08:00

This past few weeks have been a little hectic. For one, I was signed up for an on-the-spot poster-making contest last November 4. I was not prepared and I only had pastels with me. No marker, no special coloring tools. Just a pencil and a freaking set of pastel crayons.

With those things in mind, I -- of course -- didn't expect to win. I just drew with an awesome concept in mind. What kind of annoyed me though was my "coach" told me to stop drawing cartoons while I was on the contest. Remember the "Barkada Trip" animation you see in Studio 23? If not, here's a picture:

For his information, my drawing was "chibi". Not that cartoon. I'm sorry if I only have a limited style of drawing people. It just so happens that that's where I specialize. I'm still improving. It's not like I draw "cartoons" today and tomorrow, I can draw realism. No, sir, it's not like that.

Anyway, it was just a contest where my friend called me up 6 hours before the contest to notify me about it. I didn't do my very best and I expected nothing. Afterall, it was Science themed and you guys know how much I suck at science.

Last week, my name was announced at the school's PA system. I won first place for the 3rd year high school's poster making competition. It was a surprise, really. I also got a medal.

I was also preparing for another contest, which (if I haven't mentioned before...) is about making a website using dreamweaver. I only had little experience but I was able to grasp it within a day.

On the contest day itself, I was on official business so I get perfect scores on all the quizzes, seatworks and whatever stuff they made.

During the morning, I practiced in the computer lab by making a website within 2 hours. I was pretty confident that I can finish 15 web pages (which, I did). After I was done with the contest, they transferred my website from the desktop to their portable hard drive but there were some technical errors which caused my website's layout to be distorted. It pissed me really off that I cried. You'll never know how much it sucks to know that you finished the website in less than 2 hours and in the end, it will all go to waste.

But that's life, right? :)

FML.

2010-11-07T22:16:00.002+08:00

It's that day again where kids like me dread to go to school. I'm not ready to face the piles of homeworks and projects to be given by our teachers. I'm not ready to face the judging looks of the people around me. I'm just not ready.

Another thing why I'm not looking forward to school is because our November schedule is fucked up. I have no idea when our Honoris Damus is, therefore I don't know when I can tell my parents about it. Some people told me it's on Friday but I have a contest on that day.

The contest is also sort of pressuring me too. Not a single thing about CSS went inside my head and if I were to print it out, it'll be a waste of money. askfajsowier

IDK anymore.

Social life, begone.

2010-11-01T22:06:00.002+08:00

I've always wanted to experience being a part of a popular crowd. You know, like those girls you see in TV, all dolled up and surrounded by a bunch of friends. Those girls who can cry and still look pretty, who can trip on a flat surface and still be considered as cute. When they need someone to talk to, they just send a group message and in less than a minute, they have a hundred replies asking if they're okay. They're greeted by a lot of wall-to-wall conversations as soon as they log in in Facebook. Their life sounds so perfect no matter how they'd tell me that they don't like it, they want to die, they want to cry, they want someone to love them. I don't understand why they can't see the things that surrounds them, things that I don't have. They're looking for love? They have, like, a bunch of guy friends waiting for them to just say yes.

I may sound jealous, but I'm not. Maybe a little, but I'm not. I see jealousy as a form of a challenge to become a better person. To work harder in order to be who I want to be. I try different personalities (During freshmen, people say I was really nice. Sophomore, I was kind of a bad-ass... I think.) just to gain friends and it all failed just like my previous attempts. Every year, I lose a best friend. They either changed into someone I'm not comfortable to (One of them became bitchy, I've heard rumors of her losing her virginity, I don't even know anymore...) or just leave me alone like I was just a stop in a road. It's sad but I've started to cope up with this abnormality. I lose friends, therefore I became somewhat an antisocial. When a "popular kid" talks to me, all I do is laugh. I'm afraid of saying something dumb. I found myself alone... That is, until I found the internet.

The internet's done a lot of things for me. I felt confident here. When I'm feeling sad or mad, I just go online and do things that makes me happy. I admit it, I'm addicted to the internet and my computer. I hate it when someone else uses my laptop without my permission. I have a lot of things hidden here like one liner thoughts and doodles.

I have no idea why I've made something this long when I originally planned on saying something about a friend. It's kind of related anyway but I'm starting to feel like people see me as dramatic here. lol

Anyway, I have this group of friends and we used to be so close. We were an awesome group of people and I enjoyed hanging out with them. One of them became recently popular because of her position and past relationships (like her first boyfriend who influenced her to be really mean, I hated it. I went to their classroom one time and the next thing I knew, she was being sarcastic and I was just speechless). I'm fine with that. I'm fine with the fact that she's had more than crushes this year, going out with different people, and being more open. But I've always wondered how come I'm not updated with her anymore.

In fact, I'm not updated with everyone. It's like I'm a part of a group and that's just it. I don't know what's happening around me. It's as if I'm just sitting beside them and the next thing they'd tell me is they have a boyfriend. There was also that time where they all went to the movies except for me. I was disappointed which was why I learned how to not put my hopes up in them.

But hey, I try to look on the bright side. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't know how to be independent. I've been eating in Jollibee all by myself when I go out. I enjoy spending more time at home than getting invited to their parties and be left out. I enjoy every single bit of my life and it's all thank to them. (no sarcasm intended, swear)

If it isn't that obvious, I kinda rushed the last part of this blog post. My hands are starting to hurt again.

Turned out to be a great day.

2010-10-30T21:40:00.004+08:00

I slept at around 4 am today. I was sleeping soundly when my mom opened my door and hugged me. I tried going back to my nap because I needed more hours of sleep but more people came in.

As soon as I was sane enough to go out, I went down to the dining room and saw my parents still eating breakfast. My dad asked me how old I was and I said I'm already fifteen. The next thing I knew, they were asking me if I have a boyfriend and I should probably diet already in order to get one. Come to think of it, my parents were never strict with us having relationships. My brother had his girlfriend as soon as he was a first year high school student. I even remember having to be the "bridge" when he and his girlfriend had a fight.

I had a great day today. Thanks to everyone who made an effort of sending me sweet messages, wishes, and greetings. :) Especially my mom and dad who bought the food we prepared (tacos, ice cream, sans rival, barbecue, pizza, etc.). God Speed. :)

Today, I turn 15.

2010-10-30T02:47:00.003+08:00

First of all, I'd like to thank the bastards who ruined my day before our semestral break. They were comparing my supposedly planned birthday party -- which, by the way, they themselves concluded -- to one of my classmate's pre-birthday party which consisted of a sleepover (which is probably unsupervised) & swimming the whole day and their official birthday party (people in my school are so gaddamn rich, they can probably own a dozen sports car and buy SM). I seriously wanted to punch their faces hard and see blood coming out of their noses. I was also a cleaner during that time but I was so frustrated that I only erased to board and went home. Trust me, that day was one of the worst days I've had for the school year.

A certain person was forcing me to go the that classmate's birthday party but I was having second thoughts about it. Reasons why I didn't want to go: I'm egotistical and I wasn't over the fact that I'm mad at the said bastards and two, I was lazy. In the end, I didn't go because my mom told me I had sore eyes so I "regrettably" texted that I can't come and just greeted a happy birthday. I'm plastic.

During the first two days of break, I reviewed HTML and xHTML then started learning more about CSS. I thought of rewarding myself by installing Sims 2 but I ended up installing almost all expansion packs and played for 3 straight sleep-less days. I am so addicted that yesterday, I just found out that my birthday's coming soon.

And today, I officially turn fifteen. I have no plans to spend my birthday with an extravagant birthday party and I think inviting my friends over is such a burden. I'll just eat food, sleep, and do whatever I fucking want. I can't wait until I graduate and go to some awesome college that offers an art program.

An attempt of comforting.

2010-10-25T13:58:00.000+08:00

Someday, someone’s going to break your heart into pieces. You’ll have a hard time trying to put it back together and you are going to cry. You’ll start listening to sad love songs, quoting every line from cheesy romantic movies, staying up late and waiting for 11:11, eating chocolates, and act like you just lost the meaning of your life.

In short, you’re a moron. Stop moping around just because some jackass left you. He’s not worth it.

I can't tell which is which anymore.

2010-08-26T19:54:00.004+08:00

Here I am, staring at my laptop like I usually do until I remembered what happened the other day.

My "best friend" and I were walking along the street outside our school and we were talking about some things (which I forgot) until she asked me why I cried the other week. I told her that it's because of my family and as I was about to go on with the details, she asked me to stop. I tried to laugh it off but I just realized that I can't. I can't laugh off things like that. I was still sad. I was still mad at what's going on in my house and I was waiting for someone who I can tell all about it. Someone who'd lend me an ear and tell me not to stop. Someone. Someone who I can consider as my best friend.

It pretty much depresses me that I have a group of 6 people who says we're best friends but I can't even consider any of them as one. It's like they're all slowly going away from me. Like I'm some kind of a disease. I feel so alone. Especially now that that one person who I've been with for the last 3 years is now my frenemy. She stole the only happiness that I was able to have last year. I've been through a lot and yet, she just stole my happiness in a blink of an eye. All my friends looked up to her and she suddenly had a head as large as the world. She thinks she's amazing, she's popular, she's perfect. Damn. I hated her. I'm trying my best to remove all the hatred I had for her but it seems that she's making me hate her more. She ignores me when I try to talk to her, and she bosses me around sometimes.

I thought I was going to prove my younger self wrong. I used to have a theory where all "best friends" lasts for a year or for 10 months of school but it seems that I'm still right about that.

Sportsfest.

2010-08-19T05:22:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, we had the last and the best sportsfest that ever happened to us juniors. The theme was the Titans and each team had amazing names. My team, yellow, was named Hyperion. The god of light. Green team won champion, Red won 1st runner up, and black won 2nd runner up. We got the 4th place but it was okay. We had a lot of fun and we did our best. :D

It's kinda sad since I only felt the pressure of the YDT on the last 3 days before the sports fest, we panicked with the props and even had a sleepover in my house last Monday. It was tiring. >w< Sir Anton was very supportive of us. He's really nice. :D

I almost forgot to mention that Yellow got the Most Disciplined Award and it's ironic. XD We kept on moving but we got that because of the attendance and during practices our classroom was clean.

I feel tired. =____=

Grades for the first quarter.

2010-08-10T20:24:00.006+08:00

Chemistry = 96
Physics = 95
Algebra = 98
Analytic Geometry = 99
Social Science = 96
English = 97
Filipino = 96
Literature = 97
Research = 94
PE, Health and Music = 99
Computer & Entrepreneur = 99
Values Education = 97
Homeroom/YDT = 99

I'm not really sure of my grade in English since I lost my paper but it's either 97 or 98. XD Either way, my estimated average is around 97.4 and I am shocked. There must be some kind of a mistake since I let my seatmate compute my average for me (this shows how much of a lazy ass I am. lol). XD

I'm very contented with my results. They are unbelievably high. I just told my mom about it and she was really happy and considering the busy schedule, I just told her it's okay if they can't go. She told me that she will make my dad go even if he was really busy because my dad enjoys walking with me on the stage to get my certificate. >___<> And also, I wanted to apply for the layouting of our school newspaper but I didn't have the confidence so I didn't bother to join. I'm kinda regretting it now. T.T

EDIT:// I got my card and my average was 96.81 lol. :D

To that one person who will never read this.

2010-08-03T22:14:00.004+08:00

Warning: Cheesy, grammatically-wrong letter ahead.

Thank you for assuring me that we're still friends; that you're not mad at me and it's okay to be who I really am around you. The last time we actually had a decent talk was last, last month and God knows how much I've missed talking to you.

Honestly speaking, I've liked you from the very first day of seeing you in our class last year. I was just not aware of that feeling yet. You were that quiet guy sitting in the middle with your buddies voting you to be one of our class officers. I had that feeling that we'd get along well.

It wasn't after that night during the sleepover in my house when we had a truth or dare game and I was forced to think of a name of a crush and I thought you wouldn't mind if I said yours because we're friends and we'll remain that way. Everyone in that room will take it as a joke and nothing more than that.

We got closer and became best friends when we became seatmates. It only lasted for a day but I had fun. We laughed and joked around quite a lot.

But things turned for the worse when we transferred to the classroom downstairs. We always fought and it was mostly all my fault. I'm sorry for causing you pain. I'm sorry for meddling with your own life even though you'd thank me a thousand times for helping you make the right decision. I was the cause of your pain that time. I was one selfish bitch who loves to see people suffer. I'm sorry.

We're in different classes now and you rarely kept in touch. We rarely texted, chat, or even say hi with each other. It's sad but I have to accept it. Life doesn't want some things in life to go the way we want them to be.

I wasn't expecting you to be in the same examination room as I do so when I saw your name in the list, I was so happy. I thought that maybe you'll approach me and talk to me about the exams but you didn't. You just sat there. 3 seats away from me. My view of you was so perfect and for once, I thought you looked at me.

I just want to remind you that I still like you. I really do and I don't think you'll like me back anytime soon. I just wish that you'd at least see me as someone that you'd love to hang out with or someone you can depend on when you have a problem. In fact, being best friends with you again will be great.

Hopefully, we'll have a chance to finally talk with each other soon.